I used to believe people, successful people, people who are good at what they do, and people who say they’d do something and follow through were running on some courage juice or supplement. And I didn’t know where to buy this juice or supplement. I couldn’t help but think there was a mailing list that tells you exactly what to do that I didn’t have the form to sign up for.
I would always beat myself down for not being able to fully follow through on what I want to do.
Start a new project
Start one that assignment on time
Ask the lecturer for a retake for a cat I knew I failed and would hurt my final grade
Answering the tough questions in class.
I just couldn’t do it
The most frustrating thing was, if I just did the things I said I was going to do on time I wouldn’t have to deal with the consequences of my delay in taking action. An insane amount of Anxiety before a final exam because needed a minimum of 60% to at least get a reasonable grade. Or if I had just started this assignment earlier I wouldn’t have been rushing closer to the decline. Or I’d feel more confident walking into a cat.
A bunch of more prepared versions of myself if I was confident enough to just get things done. All this I could have. Disappointments in self. Living in this, things could have been different space.
Regret.
This is not a way I wanted to live and to be honest I wanted to know what was the win. What was different, the difference between me and everyone else I was looking at and who inspired me. After careful people-watching and deduction, there wasn’t a clear-cut and dry thing these people did. The conclusion was they just seemed to do it.
They just did it. This was a bit frustrating, I realized I was using the excuse of not having a cut-and-dry set of steps to know what needed to be done. I decided to just do it, with all the anxiety, and uncertainty, not sure how the end goal would look. Not entirely sure how anything will work out
I did it scared.
I started the assignment on time
I asked the lecturer for a make-up cat
I started the new project
The common thing in all of this
I DID IT SCARED
I wasn’t running on some special fuel or juice or secret recipe to get the things I needed and wanted to get done, done.
There was lots of anxiety, there was fear, and I felt like there was a large pit in my stomach. I asked the questions, took initiative, and placed myself in spaces to be seen. Over time I’ve felt less and less fearful. I’ve learned courage is not the absence of fear or anxiety, but the willingness to sit in the uncomfortable.
I’m not saying this to sound like a guru or something of the sort. But it’s true. Allowing yourself to be ok with the uncomfortable, questions, actions, and work builds muscle.
As people, we like to work with a record to determine the success of an action or investment etc. We tend to do this in our personal lives also, you will be more confident to do something you have succeeded in before or have some knowledge about than something that’s new to you or you find difficult.
This is a positive because it makes us better at the things, we already are good at but it can stop us from exploring other areas we probably need to work on.
When you heavily focus on doing things you know you will succeed in and are commutable doing will make you feel good about yourself and give you the false impression of progress.
Let me give you a real personal visual example
When I’m feeling overwhelmed with a long task list, I usually default to the things I know I’m good at on that list. Like if it’s a bunch of things I was doing for my final project.
- Db calls
- Create the DB
- Style log-in page
I would choose to start with styling because it has the most immediate reward. I can see the progress instantly. I’m not saying working on styling is easy but the DB calls are more work and more frustrating and overwhelming.
I know it’s going to be more difficult and frustrating to do the DB calls. I’m not good at them so I’d rather not try or do it immediately. I’d rather do something that will make me feel better about myself.
Once I finish the styling that I’m good at I feel like I’ve been very productive. I have been but the DB call held more weight in the project at that time
This is an avoidant approach.
If I have no record of at least trying and partially succeeding in my DB call how can I get the confidence to do them ?? But to get a track record I have to do them. It’s like a catch-22.
So, think about this as record building. The more you take the leap of faith despite of all the emotions surrounding the thing, the more you build trust in yourself.
I’ve done this before what is the difference now?
I’m at university and working now. This is the space life has me in.
What does what I’m saying look like for you or someone like me?
Go for that hackathon
Start that new project
Ask for make-up assignments
Commit to a club
Have the pay conversation with your boss
Call the company and ask if they have internships for students
Ask for an internship opportunity
Ask ask aks…..
Be bold
Sit with the uncomfortable
We are all doing this for the first time so don’t be hard on yourself we are all learning. Don’t let fear and being scared of the unknown stop you from exploring and walking into your future, the new you