University
A place where you find yourself, your likes, dislikes, dos, and don’ts. A place where you navigate what you want for your future. The place where you choose what you study and what you want your future to look like.
This all sounded overwhelming and overstimulating but I was ready.
More than ready. I knew exactly what I wanted from this space and time in my life.
Oh, so I thought.
Doubts in the classroom
What to do, sitting in an intro to psychology class listening to what the human brain is about, it was interesting and captivating but my mind still drifted away as my eyes lost focus of the screen. I turned to look out the window maybe the outside had more to offer than this 3-hour lecture. From the 4th floor, I had a pretty good view of the roundabout. I watched as cars went round and on their way.
As each car took a turn off so did my attention span for the lesson. The clock became a repetitive ticking sound, depicting my monotonous interest in the class, with not a single change in tempo. Week 1,2,3, I said no more. The window seat must be the problem. Next lesson I sat in the middle of the class and at the front surely you can’t lose focus right in front of the professor, even if the lecture is long at least the respect I have for the professor will be enough to keep me in check. That obviously did not last long.
One class later my mind found another distraction. This time it was the clock at the bottom of the professor’s projected screen.
This was not it; the three hours began to feel like six, and this was getting too exhausting to bear. So, I decided that if I tried to stay as focused as possible, answer all questions, and participate as much as possible on the topic at hand, I could trick my mind into thinking time was moving faster.
Sadly, that also only lasted one lecture, and the next 3 hours my mind still wondered, and I could argue even more than it was before.
I was jolted back into focus as the lecture asked us to sit in groups for discussions, one of the only times my mind could attempt to focus.
Apart from the impending fear of failing the unit, I didn’t find any excitement, and if there was any, it would only last a subtopic that I found the most interesting before I would return to my pattern of wonder.
I began to ask myself a question I should have asked myself way before enrolment.
Why psychology?
It’s a bit too late for that now don’t you think?
The Importance of Self-Reflection
I think as university students we sometimes just do a course because. The most we do is research about how much money we can make after completion and maybe just, maybe how further studies in this course can go or take us. I’m not generalizing the whole group of students because there are some who really do their research and due diligence before choosing a path of study, but I seemed to have missed that train.
We don’t do any self-reflection on our personalities, how this career lends itself to what we want our futures to look like, and many other aspects that play a big role in career choice and navigation.
Some may argue that that’s going too deep. Young people should not be expected to know what they want in their lives. It’s your first year in university how could you possibly know what you want your future to look like? University students change their minds all the time so you can’t take them seriously. That’s too much pressure to put on young people and life isn’t that serious. It’s just a university course university is for fun, self-discovery, and many other sentiments. These all have some truth to them, but that does not negate the realities of university.
But I think some thought-provoking questions in relation to the future are important for young people because, in the same breath, these are the years we set a precedent for ourselves. These are the years that help us determine what and where we want to go in life. They do not crystalize they are allowed to change but they give us a mold or a lens to look through.
So, I did not do the necessary groundwork of course and now I was in a counseling psychology class with no idea why I chose this course. So, in a bid to convince myself that I made the right choice, I started analyzing why I liked this course so much. A bit too late don’t you think, I definitely put the cart before the horse on this one. I made a list.
- I like helping people
- I like fixing people
- I find the human brain interesting
- I like learning about why people do what they do
I also started creating a trajectory of how I wanted my career path to look. I was going to finish my diploma then start my degree then do my masters in neurophysiology and maybe write a book or two. Sound great if you asked me at the time….
Though these can be valid reasons for someone.
For me, that was not enough….. I needed more.
I also started practicing how I would answer the “Why psychology?” question.
- Because I like people
- Because is like the human brain
- And many other reasons to try to justify my choice
But none felt convincing enough even to myself. I felt like I was trying so hard to convince myself that this was the right decision when I knew deep down, I had no idea why I chose psychology.
I soon came to realize that psychology is not about fixing people, in fact, it’s the opposite and it doesn’t have all the answers to why people do what they do. I realized all these reasons were heavily influenced by my slightly unhealthy obsession with true crime and the desire to understand myself. So, I was clearly in this for the wrong reason………
What to do…….
Searching for Answers
I’m already halfway through my first trimester, too late to drop all my classes and switch courses, and with midterms coming up I had no time to think about whether or not I liked the course content. I just needed good grades…
So, I put a pin in that and carried on studying for the grades I wanted.
After mid sems the weight of why psychology was still on my shoulders. The more questions I had the less I knew why.
I needed to get my answer to appease my mind. I knew I had to make a shift; I was no longer going to ask myself why psychology because that boxed me into this one thing. I changed my question to Why university?
Total shift…….
Why University???
This was a bit more challenging than I thought, I had to do a deep dive within myself and do some searching. So, in my methodical nature, I told myself that this needs to be a step-by-step process with an end goal that needs to work. I was very stuck and I needed a proper sequence/ or algorithm to get a sensible and actionable output. I started scouring the internet for all sorts of questions about how to know which university course to study.
Which university course is best for me? I probably ran through all possible keywords on the internet and when I finally found one, it would give me some bogus answers like nursing, HR, social work, economics, accounting, or fashion. I knew that all the questioners would not give me the same answers but they should at least give me careers within a niche field.
I gave up. I decided to just make a checklist of my own.
- Personality analysis
- My Likes
- My Dislikes
- What am I good at?
- What comes naturally to me?
- What I am ok at?
- What I am horrible at?
- What I can do when forced?
- What I can’t do even if forced?
- What kind of career do I want for myself?
- What course lends itself to the answers and what is available in my current university
Very clear and straightforward.
This should be easy right??? I just need to answer this list of questions and my mind can rest.
As I began to answer these questions, they were revealed to be deeper than I expected. I needed to be entirely honest with myself no lies just the plain truth.
After deep searching and questioning, I came to somewhat of a conclusion that I could work with.
Going back to the beginning
The Unexpected Turn to Tech
This was also about the same time software engineering was being advertised and the new in thing. During COVID-19, companies were really hiring people with tech-related skills, so obviously in human fashion people found a way to make money and really advertise this new demand in the job market.
This was the course for me. I quickly went to the registrar’s office and picked a flier for the School of Engineering and Health, and there it was Information Communication Technology. This was it, the answer to all my wandering questions. I quickly went to find IT students to make a friend or two so I could get the unit outline and look through it and get a feel of what this course is about. I did not want to make a rushed decision just yet.
This was also during the end of the trimester, so final exams were looming. Thinking back on this time all I can do I just laugh. Where was I finding the time to do all of this with finals? This just goes to show you will do anything to scratch an itch.
I knew before pitching this change to the parents, I needed all my ducks in a row. I mean you just got to university and you are already changing courses. Please be serious.
All the while my plan had not entirely worked, I still didn’t know why IT but I was sure it was not psychology. This is not such a wise thing to do, it was like jumping off a plane hoping your parachute is steadfast without checking it.
I had also told a friend or two about this change, I was getting support and a bit of pushback. I remember one thing someone said to me “IT is hard, I’ve done it before are you sure you want to do that”. That question gave me mixed feelings at that moment I felt that this person did not think I was capable of doing such a course while simultaneously knowing that he was probably telling the truth, I now know this in theory. Nevertheless, who was going to stop me, my mind was already made up.
I was done with psychology.
As the trimester came to a close reality began to sink in. I was no longer going to be with the friends I made from Freshman week. The bonds I had created would no longer be the same. I hadn’t taken that into consideration that things were going to change. I was going to be a new kid again in a new environment. For a moment I felt like I was so focused on making a change suitable for me, that I had forgotten about the other contributing factors that made my uni life uni life.
That reality felt like a ton of bricks had just hit me. Part of me wanted to reconsider my decisions I mean I was comfortable in psychology, there was nothing wrong. I liked the course, my professors, and most of all my friends.
Was it too late to sit back down, or was I already too far out the door?
When I broke the news to the parents, they surprisingly took it very well.
My father’s exact words were “This what you want??, ok go ahead”.
Thus, beginning my journey to where I am now and where I want to be in the future …….
A journey into the unknown